


yet another

by what_a_dork_fish



Category: X-Men (Alternate Timeline Movies)
Genre: Angst, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, i'm sorry lads, why do I keep doing this to my boys
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-17
Updated: 2018-08-17
Packaged: 2019-06-28 20:38:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 737
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15714666
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/what_a_dork_fish/pseuds/what_a_dork_fish
Summary: I don't really know what to put as summary so I'll just say this was painful to write.





	yet another

Charles hasn’t been touched like this in twenty years and it’s going to his head.

Erik is still hurting. He’s all scarred up and he’s only doing this to punish himself more. Charles knows that, and he knows he shouldn’t be allowing this, and he knows it’s just going to hurt them both later on. But his body doesn’t care what his heart and mind have to say. It only cares about making Erik happy.

He’s not, though.

Charles isn’t surprised when Erik stops halfway through, pulls out, and leaves the bed. Charles watches, catching his breath, as Erik dresses again and leaves.

When the door closes, Charles turns over on his side and presses his face into his pillow. It hurts too much for tears. He shouldn’t have done that. He should’ve told Erik that he didn’t want it. He shouldn’t have given in to the selfish demands of his traitor body. Now Erik hates him. He can read that quite clearly. Erik hates him for letting Erik into his bed.

Well, Charles hates himself, too.

~

He can’t hide how depressed he is the next day. He puts on a calm mask, and smiles, and manages not to break down at all. But Jean is looking at him funny, and Raven is frowning, and Hank seems agitated. The students are careful around Charles, and no one does anything out of line all day.

Erik comes to his room again that night, but Charles says no.

“Is this because of last night?” Erik demands.

“No,” Charles replies softly. “I just… don’t want to.”

Erik glares at him, and the anger seems to radiate off him in visible waves. Charles wants to get angry back, but he’s too tired.

“Please leave.”

Erik leaves.

Charles gets ready for bed alone, and huddles under his blanket and wonders what he did wrong this time.

Erik’s temper mounts as the days pass and Charles keeps refusing. Charles flips between furious and scared every few hours. He’s angry because Erik won’t tell him what’s wrong; he’s scared because he doesn’t want Erik to get violent. He can’t tell anyone because there might be an uprising, and Erik might get angrier, and then he might try to take it out on someone, and Charles is terrified of that outcome. No. It’s better to keep silent on this.

And then one night Erik kisses Charles too hard before Charles can say no and it all comes flooding back.

~~~\0/~~~

He was only fourteen when Cain found out.

He was only fourteen when Cain decided there were better ways to hurt Charles than punching him.

He was fourteen and Cain was sixteen and bigger and stronger and Charles hadn’t known how to fight back.

No one believed Charles. Not even Raven. So he kept silent.

~

He was eighteen when he was found out by a man at a bar in Oxford.

He was eighteen when he was first drugged, and his powers had slipped from his control, and he hadn’t been able to fight back.

He was eighteen and the man had been bigger and stronger and Charles had gone home that night feeling like his world was shattered all over again and he was slipping through the cracks.

He kept silent on it. He knew now. It was his own fault.

~~~\0/~~~

He’s old now and scared and he still doesn’t know how to fight back. So he squeezes his eyes shut tight and waits for the expected pain.

It doesn’t come.

He opens his eyes and sees that he’s alone in his room. Erik is gone. The door is closed.  Charles is safe.

He starts to sob in relief. Not tonight. Thank god. Thank god.

~

He’s on tenterhooks for weeks afterward.

Erik leaves. That’s good. But the memories are still fresh and painful and give Charles nightmares. Eventually he smashes them down again and they return to the abyss. But it hurts.

Then Erik comes back, and is waiting in Charles’ room at the end of the day.

A memory slams violently through Charles’ head, of Cain waiting for Charles to come home from chess club, cruel smirk, cruel hands, and being too scared to scream—

Erik tries to touch Charles and he jerks away. Erik frowns thunderously, and that’s worse. So Charles doesn’t move and doesn’t speak when Erik kisses him.

“Please?” Erik asks grudgingly.

Charles is too scared to say no.

**Author's Note:**

> Comments = Life, Love, and Happiness


End file.
